Just Another Day

Today, on my 39th birthday, I am not doing much of anything.

I haven't turned down any offers.

I'm not missing out on anything.

I just have nothing to do.

And on a day like today, I'd like to avoid disappointment.

Disappointment has plagued me worse than regret anyway.

Today, on my birthday....

...I woke up too early.

...I burned my breakfast.

...I have no plan.

I'll spend the day alone. I'll try to protect myself from the world. I'll try to find joy in little things. I'll wait for it to be over.

I thought I was finally going to have a date on my birthday, but that didn't work out as planned.

And there's no one else here to throw the party for me.

So after a day like any other, a day far less exciting than many of my other days, tonight I'll sit myself at my favorite bar with a glass of cheap red wine, and I'll wonder if anyone I invited will join me.

And if they don't, at least I'll know I tried. I've been afraid of no one showing up to the party for the last four birthdays, so I haven't invited anyone until now.

But if I don't invite anyone, surely no one will come.

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