A Foodie's Farewell Tour

I have this little ritual of going for a "last supper" before having some kind of medical procedure done that might restrict my eating in some way. 

I think it goes back to when I used to go on a "detox" back in my NYC days, which was basically my way of trying to lose weight by quitting alcohol and fast food for short spurts of time. I'd always binge right before it, like an addict on one last bender before being hauled off to rehab.

Before my oral surgery last November, which would put me on a diet of soft foods for weeks on end, I ordered all the crunchy things during my final meal—chips and guac, Caesar salad with croutons, taquitos, and the like. 

I had similar "last hurrahs" the nights before my colonoscopy in February, another oral surgery in March, and my upper endoscopy in June (both the one that didn't happen, and the one that did). 

But now, it's the results of that endoscopy that's got me on my latest eating spree. 

Because they found what they were looking for: signs of celiac disease. It's not definite, but I already scored practically off the charts on the blood test. Both of these test results strongly indicate the presence of the disease, but they don't prove it.

To do that, I'll need to eliminate gluten.

If I feel different—or, hopefully, better—after that, it'll confirm the diagnosis. And it'll change the course of how I eat for the rest of my life.

Smoked salmon sandwich at Gjusta in Venice, CA

It never occurred to me that I might have a problem with gluten—until I developed a cough in August 2021 that hasn't gone away. It's particularly bad when I eat, and especially when I eat bread. I've had two chest X-rays and seen multiple doctors, whose best guess has been that I've developed some kind of adult-onset (possibly allergic) asthma.

Biscuit benedict with smoked salmon at Chevy Chase Country Club in Glendale, CA

You know what can cause a cough—and specifically asthma? A gluten allergy, a.k.a. celiac. It's an autoimmune disease, which means it attacks healthy tissue as though it were a foreign invader—and which may explain the appearance (and dysfunction) of my upper small intestine. And it goes along with another autoimmune disease, too: fibromyalgia (which I've written about having since I was 15).

 Burrata with baguette at Bacari Silverlake, Silver Lake, Los Angeles

Celiac destroys the ability of the intestinal lining to absorb certain nutrients—which often makes the people afflicted with it malnourished and underweight. Unfortunately, I don't have the skinny version of it—and it's not unheard of for overweight people to suffer from celiac (or even that one might cause the other).

Steak tartare with baguette at Gigi's Hollywood, Los Angeles

Celiac disease can likewise interfere with calcium absorption and has been linked to bone density issues—which may help explain my osteopenia (a precursor to osteoporosis) and the dramatic and swift bone loss in my jaw that's led to losing six teeth since last November.  

Eros sandwich at Mamie Italian Kitchen, Los Angeles 

For all these reasons and more, I think it's a good idea for me to try going gluten-free. It won't make my bone grow back, and it probably won't help me lose weight, but it may make my cough go away (which on its own would make it worth it). It may help repair my damaged gut lining. And it may also resolve the digestive issues that alarmed my GI doc enough to send me out for testing. 

    Malibu pizza at Nardò 3rd Street, Los Angeles

But I've got all these cereals and oatmeals and pastas and tortillas at home that I can't justify throwing away (even if I could afford to). So, I'm on a bit of a delay while I prioritize using all those groceries up. 

And then there's the issue of giving up many of the foods I love, certain dishes I hold so dear and seek great comfort from. 

So, as part of my presumed swan song, I'm eating all the pizzas. I'm getting all the good bread in. (You can see many of those dishes in the photos above.) I'm doing "one last dance" with Jersey Mike's subs, Brooklyn Bagel Bakery's bagels, Bristol Farms' chicken pot pie, and a chili dog from Oki Dog. 

It's not like I'm giving up starches entirely (though maybe I should try that too). I'll still be able to eat corn and rice. I'm not a big pasta person, but fortunately I already like chickpea rotini and kelp noodles.  

I'm going to miss all the chocolate chip cookies. I won't be able to continue my tradition of eating Monster Cereals (Count Chocula and the like) in the weeks leading up to Halloween. I'll have to give up diner English muffins. 

All these things individually are minor. But the diagnosis itself is another big thing on top of a whole lot of other big things this year—and I'm just not sure how much more I can take. 

But if I can improve the celiac through dietary changes, it may also resolve some of the symptoms that are bringing me down—like exhaustion and chronic pain, for starters. 

I don't know what life is like without those things. But I hope to find out one day.

In the meantime, I have a few things to finish eating before I'm ready to entirely give up gluten, even on a trial basis. 

Related Posts:

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